Posted by
Trubador on Tuesday, July 18, 2006 12:40:17 AM
[For the complete 10-Part series (plus epilogue), please go to the July 2006 archives]
Introduction
What is about to follow is the finished product of a talk I gave
on June 24th in front of a small number of fellow parishioners (mainly from my bible study
group) at my local church.
Well, not in the church... just in one of the rooms
in the hall across the parking lot.
NOTE: This is a much more extended version designed more for
reading/blog posting. The actual talk was trimmed (by necessity), and slightly rearranged and altered in some parts.
It incorporates some of my personal thoughts, experiences and
reflections while visiting my family and friends back east in May, and during
my subsequent pilgrimage to EWTN (the Global Catholic Network) and The Shrine of the Most Blessed
Sacrament at Our Lady of the Angels Monastery in the outskirts of Birmingham, Alabama.
I will be quoting extensively from a number of sources including,
of course, the bible, sermons from St. Francis de Sales, excerpts and
summations of information from EWTN's websites and Raymond Arroyo's biography on
Mother Angelica (who founded the network and monastery 25 years ago), as well as notes from a talk given by
Franciscan Brother Leo while visiting the Shrine in Hanceville, AL.
The
first third of the talk gets a bit personal, so be gentle yet
patient because there is a method to the madness. There will be links
throughout for you to peruse as you read. You can view better and
larger pictures of the Shrine if you purchase the "Come and See"
picture book (a link for purchasing it will be in the last post in this series - The Epilogue).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part 1 – Bygones and Beginnings
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” ~ Isaiah
43:18
“So do not worry… but seek first his kingdom and his
righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do
not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has
enough trouble of its own.”~ Matthew 6:31-35
There are a number of quotes that I have taped on different items
in different places around my apartment – some biblical, some secular. Some
have been there for so long I forget that they’re there. But on occasion I’ll
stop and read one of them - each one on a certain topic or for a specific reminder.
One quote – attributed to American journalist and author, Fulton Oursler, who
wrote the book “The Greatest Story Ever Told” (which was later made into a famous motion picture) – is on the monitor of my computer. It
says:
“We crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for yesterday,
and fear of tomorrow.” ~ Fulton Oursler
I found myself once again facing my past. This has happened quite
often. I’ll dwell on some distant memory, whether it’s centered on some happy
occasion, a mournful event, or maybe a specific offense. And the mind begins to
rewind and replay the events over and over; rehashing and rearguing until I
turn over in bed for the umpteenth time and stare at the clock. 2:30 AM. Yes.
Insomnia has reared its ugly head once again.
It’s gotten somewhat better over the years. The more recent
day-to-day stuff still nags in the back of my brain at times. Maybe something
happened at work, or a certain hot-button social or political issue is in the
news, and that’ll spin between my ears. But, with regard to the things of the
past, the older I get the easier it is to let things go. To forgive myself of
things I’d done or hadn’t done, or things I’d said or hadn’t said. To forgive
others of the same. To ask our Lord for forgiveness. To put things in proper
perspective.
Nowadays, it seems that my brain has traded in most of the old
hang-ups of the past for things which have not yet come to fruition. Anxiety of
the future, I guess you can call it. It’s not a new bag of worries, but it
seems to have gotten much bigger as my old satchel filled with bygone days has
shrunk. If only I could have as much peace about present and future things as I
do now with my past.
“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to
you.” ~ Psalm 116:7
It’s early in the morning. Very early. Dawn has yet to break. I
lay in my old bed, 3000 miles east, in the bedroom of my youth. I’m trying to
recover from jetlag, but the body clock is on autopilot. The clock on the wall
ticks loudly each second, relentlessly. Through the window is heard the
chirping of countless baby birds screaming for their tummies to be filled. And
the parent birds are ceaseless in their search for worms to feed their young.
The young cry out for comfort. And the parent obliges, taking care and taking
watch.
It’d been a little over a year since I last visited my home town.
And it’s been four years since my Mom had passed after many years of dialysis
due to kidney failure. I don’t get the chance to fly back east that often. When
I have, I’ve gone to the cemetery with my Dad – the last time in poor weather.
But this day, in a few more hours, it will be the very first time that I will
be at her grave site… alone.
While lying in bed, my mind must have drifted through a myriad of
thoughts before I realized that the birds stopped chirping, and they were
replaced with the plaintiff hoot of a lone owl. Woot woo-hoo! Hoo! Who! Who am
I? Who was I yesterday? Who am I today? Who will I be tomorrow? Am I on the
right path in life? What does the future hold for me? Will my career change?
Will my income improve? Will I shake off some of my bad habits? Will I ever be
married, have children of my own to feed and comfort like those early morning
sparrows? When will that void in my life finally be filled?
What it ultimately comes down to is this: What do I continually
search for, yet cannot quite seem to find? What do we
continually search for, yet cannot quite seem to find? These questions are not
new. People have been asking these same questions throughout the history of our
existence. And Jesus, in His sermon on the mount, gives us a challenging
response:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will
eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more
important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the
birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your
heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of
you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?...
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”
“...And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the
field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in
all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the
grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire,
will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?” ~ Matthew 6:25-30
Those last five words can be jolting. “O you of little faith.” How
much faith is enough? I’ve gone through a circuitous route with my own faith,
having been raised in the Catholic faith, then strayed at times through my 20s
during a period when I took issue with God regarding certain aspects of my lift
at the time (even though, in hindsight, I was blind to other areas in which He
had worked His divine providence, and healing, and mercy). In my 30s I slowly felt the yearning
for that something other, and gradually and meticulously found my way back to
the faith of my youth.
Each person goes though his or her own spiritual journey. And when
you think you’ve reached a summit you wonder why things still aren’t quite
going as planned. Questions still remain unanswered. Daily struggles still
persist. And you say to yourself, “Isn’t my level of faith enough?”
“A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.” ~
Proverbs 16:9
There’s an old phrase that goes, “God loves you right where you
are. But He loves you too much to let you stay there.”
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own
understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths
straight.” ~ Proverbs 3:5-6